I Have Been Pathetic
by OrangeandSpiceTeaLover
Summary: Sakura Haruno reflects on what being a ninja really means to her. Also, she contemplates on her purpose.


Disclaimer: I don't own Naruto or the manga.

Summary: Sakura Haruno reflects on what being a ninja really means to her. Also, she contemplates on her purpose.

_**I HAVE BEEN PATHETIC**_

I'm pathetic. I know that. For so long- so very long- I have chased after fantasies. In the beginning, why did I even want to be a ninja?

I didn't realize everything at the age of six back then.

I have a big forehead and pink hair.

FREAKING pink hair!

Who has pink hair?

No one.

That's who.

Since the age of three, I have always been the prey of bullies. They would make fun of my abnormal appearance and me. I still remember the taunts, the punches, and the kicks at my sides. I wanted to stand up for myself, but I couldn't. I was too young and too weak.

I have always been too weak.

I wanted to become a kunoichi because I wanted to defend myself. I never wanted to be protected.

Yet, I have always been protected.

The children, who sign up for the Ninja Academy, are usually from ninja families or ninja clans. I was from neither. I didn't have any special clan techniques or a special kekkei genkai. Nor did I have a beast sealed away inside of me. Though, I really wish that I did for some reason.

During my time in the academy, I thought I was in love. I thought I was in love with Sasuke Uchiha. It was a stupid, pre-teen infatuation. For some odd reason, I thought he was so awesome and cool. I also thought he was dark, mysterious, and handsome. Thinking back I want to throw up. How fucking shallow of me! Unfortunately, he was a psychotic, messed-up asshole. I didn't see that.

I thought that I was in love with him. That led to me wanting to become a kunoichi because of him. I wanted to gain his respect, trust, and love.

Fucked up? Right?

The only thing he loves to do to me is try to kill me. He has done that twice. He's tried and has killed many people.

But, haven't all ninjas?

Aren't all ninjas murderers?

Surprising, I have only killed one person. That Zetsu clone doesn't count. I killed Sasori, who was an Akatsuki member. I did it to protect the village and Naruto Uzumaki. The Akatsuki were after Jinchuriki and Naruto is exactly that. Sasori was actually a soul, sort of contained in a puppet. But, whatever.

After Sasuke left the village, my purpose of being a ninja changed. I wanted to be able to bring him back to the village. I wanted to able to fight on the battlefield and not be a nuisance. But, I became a medical-nin and stayed on the sidelines.

I have always been a nuisance.

I trained for three years under Tsunade. I went through hell because of that training. I thought it would make me stronger.

I will never be strong enough.

Naruto and Sasuke will always be ahead of me. I'm fine with that. I have accepted that because I'm not special. I don't have a tailed beast inside of me nor do I have the sharingan.

However, I will become strong enough to stand beside them on the battlefield. I will fight alongside Naruto and even Sasuke. I think that I am able to accomplish that. I have enough determination.

I will carry on Tsunade's legacy. I have become known as one of the best medical-ninjas in the world. Because of that I am proud of myself. I the pathetic, non-special girl accomplished something.

Do I still have a purpose for being a ninja?

I will always hate seeing people die before my eyes. I hate seeing people's hopes, dreams, and memories disappear in an instant. However, that is the ninja world. I am used to it.

I have a purpose now. I want to protect the village, of course. I want to be the one who heals Naruto and other fellow comrades. I want to save lives. I want to pass on Tsunade's legacy. That is my purpose of being a ninja.

Anything else?

Yeah.

This is has nothing to do with my ninja life, but I want to apologize to Naruto. I will never be romantically in love with him. Yet, he loves me in a romantic way and always has. I care about him, though. I will always care about him. He is my best friend. I plan to apologize for being burdensome to him, for causing him trouble. I know that Hinata Hyuga loves him. I will push that idiot to respond to her confession. Because, she did in fact confess her love for him when she defended him from Pein. I know because when I watched the battle of Naruto versus Pein on the sidelines, I heard her. I really do hope they end up together. I want my best friend to be happy.

Will I ever truly fall in love and have a family?

I have no clue. I will let my life play out and see what happens.

**Author's Note: I will probably get a lot of haters for this story. But, this is only fiction and not all of it is true. This is how I wish Sakura was like. Kishimoto has made her into a pretty bad heroine for the Naruto Series. She is the heroine and she really should have better character development then what she has been given. Yes, I did read chapter 632 of the manga, but it wasn't enough for her. THAT IS MY OPINION AND I RESPECT OTHER OPINIONS! I hope some readers enjoyed reading this little reflection thing. Please review and have a nice day! **


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